Welcome to the KLF Khronicles. And Welcome To The Dark Ages.
With one month to go before The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu’s mysterious return to Liverpool, I have decided to start sharing my own journey into all this. The discovery, the overthinking, the doubt, the fear, the curiosity, the excitement, the ignorance, and yes, the speculation.
I will keep adding entries over the next few weeks leading up to the event. When it finally happens (assuming I still have access to technology and have not actually been dragged back into the Dark Ages) I will do my best to document the whole KLF experience.
Quick disclaimer: you are probably going to despise me, so best to get used to that now. I am not a lifelong KLF / JAMs / Justified Ancients / Timelords superfan. Truth is, I was five years old when the K Foundation burned a million quid, and not even born for most of their actual releases.
Everything I know comes second hand. From John Higgs’ Chaos, Magic and the Band Who Burned a Million Pounds, the odd Wikipedia dive, or even a brief chat I once had with Alan Moore.
But here is the thing: I am intrigued. Increasingly so. My life already revolves around music and oddball events that can actually tempt me off the sofa and into the often unbearable outside world. This one ticks every box.
If that is not enough justification for my being here, then tough.
My first brush with the KLF was in my teens, during a full-blown obsession with Alan Moore. That is when I first heard Chill Out and Who Killed The JAMs. But honestly, it was the bigger picture that hooked me. For a teenager desperate to be cool and niche, the mix of conspiracies, chaos, and magical ritual was irresistible.
And it is that ritual, not just the music and not just the art, that fascinates me still. Ritual I now have the chance to step into myself.
So the timeline goes...
January 2017
A video appears online that sparks the first of the “return” speculation.
March 2017
Posters appear confirming the return of The JAMS and the imminent end of their Twenty Three Year Moratorium. The moniker K2 Plant Hire Ltd appears on the poster and is registered at Companies House.
July 2017
Vague details of a three day event to mark the end of the band’s self-imposed Twenty Three Year Moratorium are released, titled Welcome To The Dark Ages. The announcement totals just 98 words.
The three days are the 23rd, 24th and 25th August 2017. The titles of each of these three days are:
Day One – Why Did The K Foundation Burn A Million Quid?
Day Two – 2023: What The Fuuk Is Going On?
Day Three – The Rites of MuMufication.
There will only be 400 tickets available.
There are no guest lists.
There are no press passes.
Every one of the 400 ticket holders will be expected to be Volunteers.
WARNING: The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu in any of their various past, present or future guises will not be performing music.
July 23rd 2017 @ 11.17 – Ticket Sale Day
I’m awake. To my own credit I’d set a calendar alert for 11:15 a few days ago to combat my own forgetfulness and love of a lie-in.
So. Do I actually go through with this? £100 for a three-day event that I know basically nothing about. Facebook is full of friends asking the same question, and none of them are giving a committed answer. Time to weigh up what I do know.
It will be in Liverpool. Good. No major extra costs on top of the money I’m already dropping. Or at least I hope.
It will be three days. I don’t know if that means three evenings, three days, 72 straight hours. Not a clue. There’s a chance I’ll need to book time off work.
I’ll be expected to volunteer or participate. I hate this. I purposely sit at the back of stand-up shows, never raise my hand, never volunteer for anything. I once had a winning line at Bongo’s Bingo but there was no way I was raising my hand. So there’s a real chance I might refuse something and get ejected early.
The KLF (or The JAMs, or The Justified Ancients of Mu Mu, or K2 Plant Hire Ltd) won’t be performing any music. That’s fine. It’s not really what I want anyway. Like I said before, I’m here for the ritual.
Other things on my mind:
Is this already part of the performance? Making people cough up £100 for what, right now, looks like a talk, a screening, and an existential crisis. Am I already participating?
Am I an idiot? Probably. I’m too young to have experienced The KLF first-hand and I only care because of the curiosity that spilled over from other subjects.
I have no personal attachment or memories of The KLF. Am I just going to end up wandering around clueless, like a kid being dragged through the ASDA Waitrose (at these prices) by grown-ups who actually know what’s going on?
Can I resist? Nope. I live for one-off, unrepeatable experiences, and when one happens to be on my doorstep, who am I to refuse? I need to be there. I need to know what happens or I’ll regret it forever.
I put a ticket in my basket, along with a pre-order copy of the soon-to-be-released 2023: A Trilogy. Then I check out.
July 24th 2017 @ 14.02
I remember that I may actually need time off work, so I mention it to my manager. When asked why I “might” need the time, I explain that I’ve got tickets to a mystery event of unknown timings related to The KLF.
“Oh right,” says my manager. “I didn’t know they were still knocking about. You could end up doing anything.”
This is the first time I feel the fear. I really could end up doing anything. Burning my own £100 would almost be a lucky escape. They could keep us in a tiny room for three days. Put us to work. Manual labour, even.
Shit it. Maybe I won’t get the time off and I’ll have to flog my ticket. Maybe that’ll actually be the best result for my anxious, introverted self.
July 25th 2017 @ 9:00
I decide it’s a smart move to re-read John Higgs’ Chaos, Magic and the Band Who Burned a Million Pounds, so I chuck it in my bag on the way out the door. I also track down the KLF releases I don’t already have from unspecified sources, and leave myself a note to do a deep Google dive when I get home. If I’m paying through the teeth for something, I want to understand and appreciate every last bit of it, so I commit to putting in some proper research hours.
I hit Amazon with a KLF search and see what comes up. 45 by Bill Drummond and The Illuminatus! Trilogy go straight into my basket, but I scoff at the £100+ price tag for The Manual. Instead I manage to find and bookmark an online version for later.
Feeling smug, I fire off a Tweet asking for other recommendations to help with my Mu Mu education. At this point it feels less like casual prep and more like I’m curating a course.
July 26th 2017 @ 10.20
I’m already reaping the rewards of revisiting John Higgs’ incredible book. I first read Chaos, Magic and the Band Who Burned a Million Pounds about four or five years ago, but with my memory being what it is I may as well be reading it for the first time. And honestly, it feels like I am. A big part of that is context.
This time I’m reading with the looming reality of my own attendance at their upcoming event. That context lets me sink into the pages with a new sense of purpose. Rediscovering the story that led up to their 23-year silence on the subject of the burning fills me with excitement at the idea of actually being there when it ends. Even more thrilling is the thought of being part of whatever mechanism they’re building to finally explain why they did what they did. Or, at the very least, to communicate some version of that elusive reason to the world.
Other parts of the book are also threatening to swallow me whole, especially Discordianism and the metaphorical role of us as characters in a story. You won’t be shocked to hear that I immediately latched onto that idea.
Is this my story or theirs? Who’s really in control? Do the people involved even know their role, if there is one? Maybe there isn’t a story at all, and suddenly we’re right back at Discordianism and the chaos that follows.